Latin isn't dead! It's been Roman around for more than two thousand years!
Can anyone translate 'orbis terrārum mihi'? It would mean, "the world to me"!
My teacher always gets the English and Greek "U" mixed up. Upsilon!
While hanging out on the periodic table, what language do Lanthanum, Titanium, and Nitrogen speak?
La-Ti-N!
Look, she's reading her Latin book!
That's 'legit'!
Holy Hannibal!
What in the name of Nero!
A perfect, pluperfect, and future-perfect verb walked into a bar. The situation was tense.
A verb walked up to a noun at the school dance and asked, "Would you like to conjugate with me?" The noun responded politely, "No, I decline."
Why don't Romans find Algebra very challenging?
... because X is always 10.
What do you call a number that can't sit still?
A Roman Numeral
"The floor is lava!"
-Everyone in Pompeii (August 24, 79 AD)
What does Persephone use to measure the fields of her mother?
De-meter stick!
Why won't anyone sit next to the 1st person singular future active indicative of 'amāre'?
It has -BŌ!
What is a Roman Farmer's favorite soda?
Agri Cola
I couldn't remember the Roman numerals for 51, 6, and 500 on my Latin test!
I was so LIVID!
Why will the 3rd and 4th conjugations become old maids?
... because there are no 'bōs' in their future!
How do you make a Caesar salad?
Stab it 23 times!
How did Diocletian divide the Roman Empire?
With a pair of Caesars.
What is Fozzie Bear's favorite animal?
Vacca! Vacca! Vacca!
If 'mōns' means "mountain" and 'fōns' means "fountain", shouldn't 'pōns' mean "pountain"?
A Roman magician says to his captivated crowd “For my final act, I will disappear on the count of three! Unus, duo…” And he disappeared without a ‘trēs’!
A guy walks into a Roman bar, holds up two fingers and says “Give me five beers.”
A Roman walks into an American bar and orders a ‘martinus.’ The Bartender says “Don’t you mean a ‘martini.’ The guy says “If I wanted more than one, I would have said so!”
What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
Subordinate Clauses!
What do you call a moose’s mother?
amamus!
How do you know that ghosts speak Latin?
They’re always saying ‘boō’!
Which god gave birth twelve times?
Hercules... because he went through twelve labors!
Insults of Diogenes
1. When someone took him to a fancy house and told him not to spit anywhere, Diogenes spat in the man's face and said that "he could find no meaner receptacle."
2. Diogenes loved dragging Plato and would often attend meetings of his academy and eat very loudly to distract other attendees. When Plato said the definition of a man was a "featherless biped," Diogenes plucked all the feathers off of a chicken, brought it to the academy and said, "behold, Plato's man!"
3. Plato presented a theory of ideas, saying that there were many different cups in this world but only one idea of a cup, a "cupness" that comes before the existence of cups. Diogenes said, "I can see cups on the table, but I can't see the cupness." Plato replied, "that's because you have the eyes to see the cup, but not the intellect to see the cupness."
Diogenes picked up a cup and said, "Is it empty? Where is the 'emptiness' which precedes this empty cup?" He reached over and tapped Plato's head, saying "I think what you will find here is the emptiness."
4. When he was sold into slavery after being captured by pirates, the auctioneer asked him what he was proficient in. He replied, "in ruling people."
5. Alexander the Great paid a visit to Diogenes when he was in Corinth. When he first approached Diogenes he offered to give him a gift of whatever he wanted. Diogenes asked him to move and stop blocking the sun.
6. Alexander also said, "if I were not Alexander, I would wish to be Diogenes," to which Diogenes replied, "If I were not Diogenes, I too would wish to be Diogenes."
7. Once, Diogenes was staring into a pile of bones. Alexander asked what he was doing and he said, "I am searching for the bones of your father but I cannot distinguish them from the bones of a slave."
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8. "What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others."
9. While watching all the citizens of Corinth freak out because a war was starting, Diogenes started rolling the clay wine jar he slept in up and down the hill. When asked what he was doing, he said, "I'm being as much help as the others."
10. When a bald man insulted him, he retaliated with, "Far be it from me to make insults! But I do want to compliment your hair for having abandoned such a worthless head."
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